Thursday, April 21, 2011

Where's My Maternal Instinct?

Today I realized something, I'm staring my youth in the face, and I have two choices. I can be young and in love, have fun drinking, partying, and just being married to the love of my life. OR I can start a family, settle down, take life as it comes, calm down a little and just try and be a great mother. And honestly, only one of those options sounds good to me, and that's the first. I can't see myself being a mom, I can't see myself settling down, and I can't see myself mothering children. This past week, I've been hanging out with some different people. They all have children or are pregnant/trying to get pregnant, and honestly, I find it all annoying. Is that absolutely horrible. It seems that every time I hang out with mom's/mom's with their children, ALL we talk about is kids, pregnancy, etc. Why is that the topic of EVERY conversation I seem to have now-a-days?! Is it SO hard to just have a good time without kids? Can't a 20-something year old just NOT have kids? I feel like I "lose" so many of my friends because of children. Not like I really lose them, just that things change and we're not in the same place any more, ya know? I don't want to hang out with a screaming baby, and someone with a screaming baby doesn't want to stay out till all hours of the night drinking whipped cream vodka. We're in different places, and it seems that this happens more and more. (this is me venting.)

On another hand, I'm kind of worried. Half of me is sick of kids, never wants to have kids, and never wants to talk about kids. But the other half of me is wondering when my maternal instinct will kick in. I mean, I'm only 20, but people younger than me are getting pregnant. People in this community usually have kids by the time their 21-22. If you were to ask me when I want kids, I'd say 25-27. Is there a reason I'm so turned off by children? Will I always be like this? Or will I want to be a mother some day? I know some people never want to have kids...but I really do. Someday down the line I feel like my maternal instinct switch will just turn on and I'll be ready. Someday..for now, I'll enjoy my youth. I like being young and in love.


  1. Holly, All of these feelings are relevant. While I may not be the ideal person to give you advice on this being that I have 5 children and I'm 27. I have to say whether your ready or not, when you get pregnant, that switch just flips. Yes you may not have been ready, or even if you are ready, you may not know if that instinct will happen, but it does. It is not wrong to want to wait, each person knows when it is her time. Just because I have so many children doesn't mean that I don't know how you feel. There may or may not come a time when you are ready to become a mother.. As long as you and your husband are on the same page that is all that matters. Always~Amanda

  2. Hurray for enjoying youth! I'm nearly 28 and my baby making factory still isn't open for business. We are the only married couple in the husband's lab that doesn't have kids/is about to have a kid, but it's all good. I feel like your 20's are YOUR time to do your own thing and enjoy being an adult without huge adult responsibilities. I was totally anti-baby for years, and am only just now coming around to the idea. At 20, you still have PLENTY of time for your biological clock to go off.

  3. Some people never want to have children. Don't feel bad if you don't. Having children isn't for everyone and you shouldn't feel any pressure to 'follow the crowd'.

  4. You're right where you need to be, trust me. So many female milspouses start having kids right away, and they have no other employable skills. I've seen so many 22 y/o with multiple kids, no college education, barely a HS diploma, and then what? What happens if, God forbid, their husband is KIA? Or if they end up getting divorced? How will they support these large families?

    I don't feel like I really became an adult until I was 25 and truly grew up. Enjoy your youth, enjoy your time with your husband. You two married young to begin with - you don't have to rush the rest of life. Enjoy it!

  5. The biggest fear I have of being pregnant so young is exactly what Erin said.. ANYTHING could happen. God forbid my husband gets killed in action or even just doing an every day kind of thing, gets kicked out, etc. & then again.. I'll be 21 in a few weeks. I want to have a year or two AT LEAST of being able to just go wherever & whenever we please.

    We're mainly waiting to have a kid until he's on shore duty or at least a little higher in rank & I have some college under my belt. I'm not completely happy with where I am, as a person, in life right now & I want to be content with myself before I bring a child into this crazy life.

    You know so many things about Cody & I.. how this deployment was definitely life changing.. what if something even worse happens the next time around, or even during our 5th deployment?! I'm not exactly sure I'm ready to bring a child into that.

    Seeing our friends & their children today really made me rethink a lot of things in my life. Mainly how Cody & I should enjoy our marriage and our 20's while we can. 3yrs of marriage is a little while to US but we've got plenty of time. & like you, I'd like to be at least 25 or older before we have a child.

    ...but, everything happens for a reason regardless if we know the reason or not.

  6. You're still really young. Don't rush the baby making factory into business. I am almost 24 with two kids (2 and 8 months) and I am expecting my 3rd in late October. Had we not accidentally gotten pregnant with our first we'd still be doing what you and your husband are doing!
    It wasn't until my first kid got here that I realized how amazing it is to be a mother, before that I was exactly like you. :)