Today I realized something, I'm staring my youth in the face, and I have two choices. I can be young and in love, have fun drinking, partying, and just being married to the love of my life. OR I can start a family, settle down, take life as it comes, calm down a little and just try and be a great mother. And honestly, only one of those options sounds good to me, and that's the first. I can't see myself being a mom, I can't see myself settling down, and I can't see myself mothering children. This past week, I've been hanging out with some different people. They all have children or are pregnant/trying to get pregnant, and honestly, I find it all annoying. Is that absolutely horrible. It seems that every time I hang out with mom's/mom's with their children, ALL we talk about is kids, pregnancy, etc. Why is that the topic of EVERY conversation I seem to have now-a-days?! Is it SO hard to just have a good time without kids? Can't a 20-something year old just NOT have kids? I feel like I "lose" so many of my friends because of children. Not like I really lose them, just that things change and we're not in the same place any more, ya know? I don't want to hang out with a screaming baby, and someone with a screaming baby doesn't want to stay out till all hours of the night drinking whipped cream vodka. We're in different places, and it seems that this happens more and more. (this is me venting.)
On another hand, I'm kind of worried. Half of me is sick of kids, never wants to have kids, and never wants to talk about kids. But the other half of me is wondering when my maternal instinct will kick in. I mean, I'm only 20, but people younger than me are getting pregnant. People in this community usually have kids by the time their 21-22. If you were to ask me when I want kids, I'd say 25-27. Is there a reason I'm so turned off by children? Will I always be like this? Or will I want to be a mother some day? I know some people never want to have kids...but I really do. Someday down the line I feel like my maternal instinct switch will just turn on and I'll be ready. Someday..for now, I'll enjoy my youth. I like being young and in love.